15:34 Aug 16 2019
Times Read: 1,570
So, I started back to work this week! I have been in the office this week off and on and last two days almost all day. Of course the a/c went out in our office building and there been this dude fixing the lights in the hallway and clearly, the dude had no understanding of his own miasma. So, I wrote this up, printed it out, and left it for him on my way out in a envelope with $10. Someone had to do it! Sometimes you just have too. I also contacted his Boss as all my co-workers came to me to solve the... issue.
Dear 3rd Party Contractor Dude Who Has Been Hired to Replace All the Lights Out in Our Hallway,
Listen, maybe you're not used to working in an office environment. Cool, cool. But as you've no doubt noticed in the two days you have been here, we have no air conditioning. And while we are not having quite the extremes that our good friends in America are having, you can't help but observe that we're in the midst of a bit of a heat wave. Maybe you don't give it much thought as you wake up to start your day, but your job this week involves you standing out in the hallway on your ladder, with your arms raised above your head all day. I get it. That must kinda suck. I once tried to see how long I could hold just a single arm over my head like those weird dudes in India, and I had to give up after like 80 seconds. That shit's hard, yo. So you probably try to AVOID thinking about it overly much. Also, you work with fucking electricity, and that shit is For Realz. I mean, 220 in Canada! You know what that shit can do to you? I can only imagine the stress.
That said, 3rd Party Contractor Dude, you fucking stink. Deodorant is a thing. Have you even showered yet this week? Smart money says no. "Live and Let Live" might be a motto I adhered to were it not for the fact that I can even smell your gnarly ass from the otherwise safe confines of my office if only the gentle breeze we have flowing through the spaces shifts just so. And I realize I have a bit of a coffee problem, which hilariously compounds into a frequent urination problem, but this means I have no choice but to walk past you (on your ladder, arms lifted as if signaling a successful extra point) 10 to 15 times a day. I do try to hold my breath, but I'm not fucking Aquaman. And I think some of what you're emitting sticks to the fine hairs in my nasal passages, so as to be experienced at a later time. Sorta like that good spaghetti sauce you had for dinner hours earlier, where frequent belching let's you re-experience the tangy flavor over and over again.
I know you can afford the deodorant. This is like mecca for socialism, you have plenty of goddamn money. But even so, maybe times are tough. Maybe the wife left you and took all your shit, emptied your bank account, ran off with the kids and her new Canadian lover and used your last stick of Old Spice to write "Go Fuck Yourself You Bitch" on the bathroom mirror. I'd be more than happy to front you the cash if that'll solve the problem and get your life back on track. Consider it a gift.
I'm glad we've been able to reach this common understanding, 3rd Party Contractor Dude. It gets better from here, trust me. But the first step is just admitting that you fucking reek. You're the Theon Greyjoy of 3rd Party light fixture replacement services. I'll be your Ramsey Bolton.
Yours in Friendship,
Sean,
Supervisor
COMMENTS
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LORDMOGY
05:27 Aug 31 2019
Goodnight, Baby Lili Kitten!!!
ZombieMLegendre
12:40 Aug 31 2019
I want a kitty so bad! Coming soon...